|Posted by Josh Fernandes on September 18, 2012 at 7:40 PM|
As I waited for Borderlands 2 to be shipped to me from Gamefly, I decided to read some reviews. That's when I came across this review by Adam Najberg over at the Wall Street Journal. It is one of the laziest and most ignorant reviews I have ever read. Let's dive in!
"The sequel to the highly acclaimed 2009 Borderlands game goes on shelves Tuesday in Xbox 360, PS3 and PC versions for around $60."
So far so good.
"At that price point, the first-person shooter, published by 2K Games, inevitably invites comparisons with..."
"...and Calls of Duty games already out and due to come in the next few weeks and months."
Ok, so the main problem here is that Borderlands 2 isn't all that similar to the Call of Duty franchise or the Halo franchise (call it Halo or the Halo series. Not "the halos" you idiot!). The only thing they really share in common is that they are in first person and there are guns in the game. Borderlands 2 is a real time RPG with a randomized loot mechanic and Call of Duty is a somewhat realistic shooter based on gritty visuals, intense firefights, and quick reflexes. The fact that Adam sees Borderlands 2 as just a "first-person shooter" shows that he doesn't really understand these games he is trying to review. Anyway, let's continue with this crap.
"Borderlands 2 falls short because it’s missing several key elements you need to have in a 2012 first-person shooter game – most notably, a rich multiplayer online mode."
What!?This sentence just makes my head hurt. In both the Borderlands games, you could play through the entire game by playing with friends online, and it's simple as fuck to connect. What were you expecting?
"In comparison, I read on several sites that COD: Black Ops 2 will feature up to six teams, for a total of 18 simultaneous players, in multiplayer mode."
Oh.....COD has 18 players....and 18 is bigger than 4. So that's that.
"It’s apparent that Borderlands 2 is going after that testosterone-filled, 18-35-or-so demographic..."
It's apparent that Adam heard that the targeted demographic for videogames is 18-35 year old males. So, he had to put that in his review....to show how much he knows about videogames.
"I played the Xbox version of Borderlands 2 for close to a week...I played with my 14-year-old son..."
Wait....how much time did his schedule and his son's schedule overlap? Did he put in the 3-4 hours a day necessary to get far enough into Borderlands 2 to write a review after a week? You wouldn't review Skyrim after playing only 6 hours.
"I was reminded a couple of times of the desolate feeling you have on the road while playing Skyrim and struck by how long it took to get from one action point to another."
Oh.....maybe he did.
"I had to go back to Wikipedia descriptions of the original game to remember all the intricate twists and turns of the Borderlands backstory..."
Don't admit that!....Ugh, what other crap is in this review?
"Also back is Claptrap, a droid that’s somewhat of a cross between a snarky, profane C3PO with the body of an R2D2"
Fuck you, Adam. Claptrap has different wheels, colors, and a different body shape than R2D2 and he has arms and the ability to talk. C3PO was a protocol droid that was built for etiquette. Claptrap is a dirty little circus carne who shouldn't be allowed around explosives. So yes, he is exactly like C3PO except for everything about him and if you think he looks like R2D2 then you need to sue your lasik surgeon. (Watch Out! Spoiler below!)
"Claptrap acts as your guide, and is a fairly detestable character, who left me cold. When his camera eye got plucked out by an alien on the first mission, I didn’t care."
Spoilers man! I know it's a small one that happens early on, but fuck! That seems like something that would be exciting when it happened.
"Controls are very similar to COD"
Ok, i'm done with this review. I'll leave you with one last little gem.
"As a $30 impulse buy, priced about the same as games like “NASCAR Unleashed,” I wouldn’t have a problem recommending Borderlands 2 as a fun diversion."
There you have it....Borderlands 2 belongs in the same pricing league as NASCAR Unleashed. Hey, why not just throw it on steam for $9.99? Adam, I don't know if you are a troll trying to increase traffic to the Wall Street Journal or if you are actually that lazy and uncommitted to games. Either way....I hate you.